Life Journey

Understanding the Rare INFJ Personality

For those who know me well know I love analyzing different personality types and I think there is so much we can learn about our individual selves when we know our personality type.

More recently I have noticed some characteristics in my personality which often get misunderstood by those around me. So, I thought I would share some of these characteristics with you all in order to better understand the INFJ personality because we are probably one of the most difficult people you will ever cross paths with!

First, you’re probably wondering what in the world INFJ stands for!

INFJ is one of the 16 personalities based on the Myers-Briggs Personality Test. Here’s a quick break down…

The I represents introverted meaning we are energized on quiet alone time. The N represents intuition which means we see patterns and possibilities in everything we do. The F stands for feeling, we are always prioritizing other people and emotions. Lastly the J represents judging meaning we prefer structure and order in our daily lives.

I do not blame people for misunderstanding the INFJ because for the longest time I did not even understand myself.

We are complex. We are different. We are rare.

Some think were mysterious, while others think were flat out just weird. But hey I’ll embrace my mysterious weirdness!

The INFJ personality is paradox. We are the most self-contradicting humans out there! This makes us extremely complex. This is why I wanted to share some of our confusing traits to help all the INFJ’s better understand why we are so often misunderstood and learn to embrace your weirdness. As well as help you all better understand our rare complex personality.

We crave connection, but we crave solitude too.

This is the first of many traits contributing to our paradox of personality. We crave a deep connection with others, but we also crave solitude. Ironic? I think so.

For me I think this is one of the most difficult traits for individuals to understand.

There is nothing I love more than creating close relationships with people. Forget the small talk, I’m all about the deeper stuff. But of course we can never express our deep personal questions when we first meet people because then they’ll just find us straight up creepy.

On the contrary, nothing makes an INFJ more happy than quality alone time. For me this is a necessity in life. This is where the introvert characteristic comes into play. I love interacting with people, but I also value solitude. Where many people fear being alone I embrace it. As an INFJ we need the time to ourselves to recharge and recover as much as we love connecting with others it can be truly exhausting for us! So don;t take it personality when we seclude ourselves from time to time.

We can write coherently, but stumble to find words when speaking.

For me, this is where my blog comes in! I often struggle to find words in conversation, but when it comes to writing the words flow on to the page.

It is often very hard for us to share our thoughts in conversations. People often talk way too fast for us. By the time we gather our own thoughts, the person has already moved on to a new topic. This also ties into us being one of the best listeners.

Since we don’t get the opportunity to share our thoughts in group conversation we tend to revert to writing or art to express our thoughts and feelings. We make much better writers than we do speakers, not to say we can’t make great speakers.

When it comes to writing, we INFJ’s have more time to connect the dots and evaluate a situation before creating an opinion. This also allows us to organize our thoughts in an orderly fashion, which goes back to our introverted thinking and intuition.

Even though our intuition helps us generate great insight, it doesn’t give us any logical steps to getting there. Our thoughts are scattered and quite random. This confuses our listeners making us seem incoherent. Often times, the only time we sound coherent is when we prepare what we are going to say. But when does that ever happen in the real world. This is what makes every day conversations utterly exhausting for us!

We’re empathetic, but mess with us and you’ll be shut out!

INFJ’s absolutely love to help people. This is why I choose the career of becoming a physical therapist. Nothing brings us more joy in life than seeing others reach their full potential.

However, when someone abuses our trust and kindness we can give these people what’s know as the INFJ “door slam”. shutting them out completely.

As the selfless humans we are, we often will put the needs of others way above our own.

With one of our key traits being feeling, we feel all emotions deeply. We don’t like to shut people out, but this our means of protection. We will not shut you out after one mistake. One of our biggest down falls is we repeatedly give people second chances only to be hurt over and over until we have had enough, resulting in the classic door slam.

Once this happens though, don’t ever expect to hear or see from that INFJ again. We hate conflict and do not like to be angry with others. We would much rather disappear completely.

We are naturally warm humans, but we can become instantly cold should one earn it.

We’re quiet and calm, yet emotional and sensitive.

Just another paradox for you all.

Emotions to an INFJ means and feels so much different to many of the other personality types. This is one of the key traits making us mysterious and incredibly complex.

We tend to keep most of our emotions inside. For me I never want to burden others with what is going on in my life, but I have this desire to help them through theirs. Kind of hypocritical don’t ya think? How can I expect others to express their emotions to me when I won’t even do so myself. This was the biggest learning curve for me when trying to understand my own personality.

We are emotional because of the depth of the emotions we are feeling, not because of the display of our emotions.

We don’t just feel sad, we feel a million different shades of sadness at once.

Explaining our emotions to someone is the absolute hardest task you could ask us to do. It’s like trying to speak a different language. Imagine emotions as if they were colors. Each emotion has its own color. But for an INFJ, we feel different shades of emotions. More often though we feel a mixture of emotions.

Since we are so in tune and sensitive to others emotions, we often feel disconnected from our own emotions, feeling them much later in time. Key point is to be patient with an INFJ. It takes us time to manage and understand our own emotions and sometimes we just need a little help ourselves to figure it out. Though, we will never seek out the help so don’t hesitate to reach out to us when you see us struggling in a whirlwind of emotions!

We look super intense and serious, but we are actually quite playful!

When an INFJ is at work we shut out our surrounding focusing all our attention on the hard work. We treat are work very seriously. For me this was school these past 5 years.

But I promise we do not look that intense and serious all the time. It all depends on what we are doing, but an INFJ is always down for a good time!

Don’t let our intense facial expressions and love for listening to sob stories fool you. We can be quite goofy and silly!

There is nothing I love more in the world then going on adventures, exploring life! I may have an old soul, but the heart of a five year old, playful and fun! We are forever battling our love hate relationship with spontaneity. We’re adventure seekers who have a need for structure and planning. Sometimes we feel the need to plan out our times to be spontaneous. Just another oxymoron to add the complex INFJ personality!

I could go on and on about the INFJ personality! I may be slightly biased, but I think we are some of the most interesting people you will meet in life!

I hope this helps all the INFJ’s out their better understand themselves as I know how hard it can be to understand your own self! But more importantly I hope this helps everyone else better understand us and not get scared away from our rare personality.

We may be complex, but we truly have a heart of gold!

Best Wishes,

22 thoughts on “Understanding the Rare INFJ Personality”

  1. Hello there! Stumbled on your blog. I think one of the best things that happened to me was discovering that I am an INFJ. I remember reading the description of an INFJ and I was shocked because previous personality quizzes never ever explained me in such detail. I started blogging with yahoo 360 when I was a teenager and now I am still at it. Very therapeutic and yes, I feel like I do connect the dots better in writing than speaking.
    Glad to meet another INFJ on the “internet’s”. We are very rare.
    I remember someone telling me she scores INFJ and another personality so she thinks she is both. I was like NO, you can’t be both. I think if you know you are INFJ you are 💯 (just my take)
    Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am an INFJ and thought this was an interesting blog post highlighting some of our key qualities! As someone who is also insanely interested in personality testing, I couldn’t help but to think that this may also be related to being an INFJ. I constantly crave that understanding and “connection” to the outside world, because oftentimes I do not even understand the complexity that is “me”. Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ah…being an INFJ ANYTHING is so interesting. Blessing or curse? Both of course…for all concerned (Laughing…). Personally I tend to write exclusively from the subjective in my creative writing endeavors; in integrity of course.

    I’m a hospice nurse. I’ve fairly gotten the objective down since I must do legal documentation in my fields which should NOT be subjective in as far as what I am seeing, but of my patient; but am ACE at observing the subjective and re-contextualizing that for clinical consideration. It’s my most favorite part of this vocation; the patient’s subjective.

    The technical stuff drives me insane sometimes, but I’m pretty good a describing it in a way that gives it meaning – which is frustrating when those in need to observe my details get super mad about it “I see you wrote another novel in the clinical chart.” My internal response is, “Better pay attention to those details because it’s a legal record.” OF COURSE I am seething inside; internal outrage galore. If pushed, man-baby comes out – scares people because it is so shocking in how sudden a stupid mean criticism will send me spiraling when I’m just trying to do the right thing, right? (grrrrrr). If left to my own devices, they seem fine with the over abundance of optimism “Cheerleading” and empathy (that runs deep…too deep I think – “Too passion…too etherial.” But not in my clinical notes; sharp…super sharp, and it pisses people off (Yawn).

    Love this article. I wrote an article on the INFJ perfectionist; using my impassioned profession to highlight my point on the subject. That was an interesting process; and cathartic.

    Thanks for this sight, and I’m really glad I cam across it. INFJ Motto: I came, I saw…I made it uncomfortable. ROFL

    Peace with much love.


    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, I am so glad you came across my post! Being hospice nurse must be difficult at times! As a physical therapist I can relate to your documentation frustrations! Glad to know I have fellow INFJ’s out there who can relate to me! Thanks for your comment!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m a fellow INFJ personality, and I love the way you wrote about us. ‘Complex’ ‘misunderstood’ ‘paradox’ and your comment about how you didn’t even understand yourself for quite awhile – I completely get that!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yay! I’m so happy to have found fellow INFJ’s out there and I’m glad you could relate to my post too!


  5. I feel like you just described my whole personality! I couldn’t agree more with everything you said, and I especially agree with the fact that many people don’t get us and think that we’re either too serious (when we’re caught in the middle of work) or not serious enough (especially when we’re asked to explain something spontaneously). It’s good to know that I’m not the only one who feels that way!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so glad you found this post so relatable! It’s such a nice reminder to know we’re not the only ones out there!


    1. Glad you enjoyed it! It’s crazy how many different traits intermix between every personality, yet we’re all so different!


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